Red Bounty
by HeiKitsune
Summary: A rather…unorthodox bounty has been placed on Samus's head. And Pit, Wario, and Captain Falcon seek to claim it.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic. They all belong to their respective companies and/or creators.**

 **Authors note (skip if you want): This year I will be focusing on stories that are already out. I.E., this story, Damn the consequences, My Master, Lone wolf, the black hand, Okami, and others. So, don't expect much new stories for me. And while I say that, I post this up.** **And worse** **with games like Shantae, Persona 5, Mass effect andromeda, Zelda breath of the wild, and my childhood game, Dragon quest 8 remake. Where you can marry my first every waifu Jessica Albert, I'll probably have a crap ton of ideas running through my head.** **So there maybe a few new things, but no massive overarching plot stories. Mostly likely just one shots.**

 **And I will also focus on my attention on the book that me and other writers have published. If you're interested on reading that, it's called Valence: American Light novel and both Vol:1 and 2 are out now for 6.99 on Amazon. My story is called Chronicle and my pen name is A. Hidekaki. There will be more information on my profile.**

 **Am I also starting commissions this year! If you want info on that go ahead and look on my profile!**

 **I was meant yo update all these stories last year but when my laptop fired on me for two months, I lost nearly all my work so I had to start over. Either let's all hope for a great 2017!**

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A Red Bounty

"Well…want do you think of this?"

Captain Falcon flexed his well-toned muscles in his extremely small swimsuit. Greased up in tanning oil, his body glinted at Samus.

Who stared with nothing but utter indignity at the…display? Showing? Ah. Un earthly form, of Captain falcon in a speedo. In the middle of the hallway. In her power suit.

The both of them stood in the middle of the hallway with Samus, in her vira suit, having just come from a match. And the Captain suddenly jumping out in front of her doing exaggerated poses to show off his rather impressive physique.

'Heh heh. She's totally embarrassed right now.' With her helmet, off and under her arms, Falcon can see the natural cold and bored expression on Samus's face.

With her plain expression, the space bounty hunter started clicking on her cannon arm.

Changing its status to stun.

Pointed it at the Captain.

"ARRGGHHHH!"

And fired.

After the harsh zapping, Samus calmly walked over-

"Argh!?"

On, Falcon's charred body.

-OOO-

"And then I said 'that's not my monkey, that's my wife!'! Whahahaha!" Wario laughed proudly at his joke.

"….." While Samus just turned the page on her book.

In the lounge, Samus sat in one of the love seats idly reading a book on Chozo history. Wearing a blue tee-shirt and jeans. Wario stood in front of her telling ridiculous and funny jokes. But has yet to get even a single chuckle out her.

"So, a Goomba jumps out of the bushes to scare a koopa. And the koopa screams 'I am shell-shocked!' but then the Goomba says 'Shell shocked!? You don't even have a shell! Ahahahaha!"

Wario bellowed again in laughter.

"…." And Samus turned to page two hundred and five.

Wario clicked his tongue and snapped. "Hey! You blond bimbo!"

He yelled right in her face. "This is prime A material here! Laugh god damn it!"

Without looking away from her book, Samus took out a tiny spray can. Shook it.

*Piisshhh*

And emptied the whole can right into Wario's eyes.

"AARRGGHH!" The pot belly plumber fell on his back in utter agony. Clutching his eyes and rolling on the ground.

As he screamed varies types of snakes suddenly slithered in the lounge. They coiled and bite the plumber. While he wailed, Samus got up and left the lounge while Fox entered. Curious about the screams he looked at Wario. Then at the canister on the counter.

"'Snake charmer. Attracts all types snakes for snake lovers…'?" Fox read the back of the bottle.

-OOO-

"See aren't these cute?" Pit gushed a little at the pictures of cute puppies he showed Samus.

Samus however had her nose in her book at the kitchen table. Turning the page and not even paying attention to the angel and his photos. Pit smiled nervously in trying get the bounty hunters attention to the adorable pictures of animals.

"Come on Samus!" The short angel pushed the adorable images in her face. "Don't these pictures just make you want to say 'aww'?"

Turning the page of her book, Samus took out a lighter. And lit the images.

*Foowsh! *

And Pit, in a blaze.

"Arrgghhh!"

The angel screamed as he rolled on the ground. However, most people in the lunch room didn't seem to care.

"Um Corrin…" Ryo asked the royal water dragons that sat with him. "Can you two, you know?"

The male prince looked up from his sandwich and to his female counter part.

"I did it last time." He shrugged.

The princess of Nhor sighed, "Alright."

Using her power over water, Corrin spit a deluge of water from her mouth to douse the burning angel's wings.

"Aaaahhhh…." Who now smell like wet brunt chicken wings.

-OOO-

Zelda walked into a strange sight in the lounge. Wario, Pit, Captain Falcon, and Bayonetta, all siting a table together was wired enough. But pit's wings are burnt to crisp, the captain is laying with head down with smoking coming off his body. The umbra witch was holding back a fit of laughter and Wario-

"Why are you cuddling a snake Wario?" Pit asked. The man sat in his chair with a king cobra loving coiled around him.

"What can I say? My trouser snake attracts all _kinds_ of ladies…"

Zelda cursed her curiosity for asking. "Do I even want to know?"

"I bet the boys, four thousand gold, each, that they couldn't make our cold little bounty hunter blush." The witch giggled while the men groaned.

"I am starting to think that Samus has had all over emotions drained form her." The start racer moaned. A linger spark making his body jump.

As if on cue the blonde space bounty hunter walked in the lounge. Wearing her usual zero suit, Samus walked by them. As calm and cold as a northern sea.

"Ah." Zelda said. "Is that all?"

They watch as Zelda walked towards Link. The young swordsman is talking with Cloud next the coffee table.

"Link." Zelda called out to him.

The hero of twilight form his talk with Cloud to the princess.

"Hm?"

"You know those lunch boxes you get at the front your door after every match?"

-OOO-

Samus sat in the love sofa reading her book. Her face as stony as ever.

"Hey."

She peeked her head form her sea of words to see Link standing over her. She raised her brow coldly as she regarded the shorter hero.

Link, stoic as ever, wasn't off put by her icy nature. "Zelda told me that you've been leaving lunch boxes in front of my room for me sometimes."

Samus didn't seem to care. Cruelly responding with low, "So?"

"Thanks." Link smiled.

And the proud space travel fell into face of pure red. Her face heating up as she hid behind her book. Shyly averting Link's handsome grin.

"We still on for our spar today?" Link asked the blonde head that peaked form the tip of the book.

"H-hm." Samus Aran, the deadly bounty hunter, squeaked.

Cloud walked up to Link and clapped the Hyrulean on the shoulder.

"Let's go." Said the ex-solider.

Link nodded to Cloud then turned to Samus to say his good bye.

"Later Samus."

His only response was a cute nod from behind the hunter's book.

Zelda walked back to Bayonetta and the men at the table. Saying simply, "There."

"Wha!? That's all!?" Wario grumbled.

The witch chuckled, "Ah. A maiden's heart is truly mysterious."

Taking out one her many fashionable purses, Bayonetta prepared to keep her promise.

"Well boys a promise is a promise."

Pit, Falcon, and Wario all jumped up in excitement at their reward.

"Here you Zelda. Four thousand gold. Each."

The princess gracefully accepted the gift.

"Thank you Bayonetta."

"Eh!? What the hell is this!?" Wario roared in outrage while pit and the Captain whine in pain.

The witch gave a charming cured smile, "If I remember my words correctly I said that if anyone can get Samus to blush. Not just you three."

"If you have a problem…" Bayonetta twirled her gun on her finger. "I'll be willing to listen to any grievances…."

"I am good!"

"Who needs all that gold anyway?"

"Sounds fair to me!"

Pit, Falcon, and Wario all nervously accepted their fate.

"Now that's not right." Zelda, the benevolent queen of Hyrule, spoke up for the men. "They can still earn this money from me."

"Really!?" Pit looked up hopefully.

The princess's smile lit up the whole room. "Of course."

-OOO-

"Flap harder please." Zelda laid on her new chair utterly relaxed and refreshed. Pit fanning her with his wings while Wario and the racer acted as her chair.

"B-but my wings are killing me…."

Zelda sighed sadly, "I guess I can give some of money to charity…."

Pit's wings flapped as hard as they could.

"Ugh." Wario, on his hands and knees with Zelda's feet on his head, grunted in aggravation. "This is so damn stupid."

"Mmmm. This actually isn't so bad…." Moaned the captain.

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